I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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