if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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