Soap is not a condiment
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
