arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
