hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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