Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
the liver wants what the liver wants
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
