literally had 100 drinks last night.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
either way he was missing a nipple.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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