By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
