i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
