note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
