You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How external is "for external use only"?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
