Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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