I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
