I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
