Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
