Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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