i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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