look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
