you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
