I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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