i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
