What did we do last night that was yellow?
My cat gives me a boner
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
