i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
