We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
