Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
