I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
