it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
