I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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