just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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