I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Vodka?
Forever.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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