Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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