Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
