I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
