I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
