can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
