Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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