Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
