just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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