im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
