Are we in a gay sports bar?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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