and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
