DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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