Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
