forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
