dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
