so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
