wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
