I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
