Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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