I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
