He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
